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When someone shares an experience of sexual assault, relationship abuse, stalking, or other interpersonal harm, a supportive response can make a meaningful difference. There is no need to have all the answers. Listening, believing, and respecting the person鈥檚 choices are often the most important ways to help.

Believe and Validate

Sharing an experience of interpersonal harm can be difficult. A supportive response focuses on listening rather than questioning, investigating, or trying to determine what happened.

Helpful responses may include:

• 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry this happened.鈥�
• 鈥淭hank you for telling me.鈥�
• 鈥淗ow can I support you?鈥�
• 鈥淲hat would feel helpful right now?鈥�
• 鈥淲ould it be helpful to look at some resources together?鈥�

Try to avoid:

• Asking 鈥渨hy鈥� questions, such as 鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you leave?鈥� or 鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you tell someone sooner?鈥�
• Minimizing what happened or comparing the experience to someone else鈥檚.
• Asking for unnecessary details.
• Giving unsolicited advice about how the harm could have been prevented.

Support Choice and Control

After interpersonal harm, having control over decisions can be especially important. The person who experienced the harm can decide what feels right and what steps, if any, to take next.

Support can include listening without pressure and respecting decisions about medical care, counseling, reporting, or other options. Unless there is an immediate safety concern or another legal obligation applies, reporting or taking action on someone else鈥檚 behalf without permission may take away that sense of choice.

There is no single 鈥渞ight鈥� way to respond or move forward.

Help Connect to Resources

A supportive friend does not need to be an expert. Sometimes the most helpful role is helping someone find accurate information or connect with people who can explain available options.

With permission, support might include:

• Looking at available resources together.
• Helping locate confidential support.
• Sharing information about medical care or reporting options.
• Helping make a phone call or attending an appointment, if requested.

CAPE provides confidential support and can help individuals understand available options without requiring them to make a report or take a particular course of action.

Explore Confidential Support

A Supportive Presence Matters

Support does not require having the perfect words or knowing exactly what to do. Listening without judgment, respecting choices, and continuing to show care can be meaningful forms of support.

Additional Resources

Guidance for responding when someone shares an experience of sexual violence.

Examples of responses that may unintentionally feel blaming, dismissive, or pressuring.

Information about recognizing relationship abuse and supporting someone without taking over their decisions.

Last updated: August 2026